What is KQ4MII Up To?

By Vance, N3VEM (he/him)
and
Mark, KQ4MII (he/him)

Welcome to the first "interview" in this series! I wanted to do a series of posts that highlighted members of the Pride Radio Group (PRG) and all the cool stuff they're up to, and this is the first of those posts!

Before getting started, I want to call out that before each of these interviews I am checking with the interviewees to confirm what information they are okay having shared, so I may not always be sharing the preferred name, callsign, etc. of those I talk to, based on their comfort level. With that disclaimer out of the way, let's jump right in with our first interview!

KQ4MII

Mark is good with whatever pronouns you want to use, but does use he/him as the default, so that's how you'll see me refer to him in this post.

I've been interacting with Mark on Mastodon for a while now, and he also regularly checks in on a net that I that I run for my club (Narwal Amateur Radio Society) so I knew a little bit about him already. As a result, I was excited when he raised his hand for this interview.

How long have you been a ham, and what was the thing that sparked your interest, or made you decide to get a license?

I got my Technician license in November 2023, so it’s been a little over a year as of this writing. I passed General the following January, and Extra the following March - yes, I was on a bit of a roll. :)

I had been interested in ham radio on and off for many years. There are a few hams in my extended family, and I remember my dad (who was not a ham) gifting me an ARRL handbook at a relatively young age. I’ve always been interested in electronics and tinkering to some extent, and those are things that have always pointed towards ham radio as an outlet. I finally got off my butt and got my tickets after finding myself with an empty nest and more free time, following the death of my wife (in 2018) and her daughter (who’s now 24) striking off on her own after college.

One way I’ve described my interest in ham radio is that “it’s a technical interest/hobby in a time when we’re expected not to have any.” I’m old enough to remember the early days of PCs, when you pretty much had to be a programmer to get anything done (10 PRINT “HELLO WORLD!” 20 END anyone?) I think it’s absolutely a good thing that people can use technology without having to be experts in computer science, but it’s also removed us from knowing our machines at a lower level. Another thing I say is that if I had been born in, say, 1962 instead of 1972, I might have grown up a car guy instead. Cars are kind of the same idea - you don’t need to be a mechanic to drive one any more, but for some people, it’s more fun if you are. Same goes for computers, and for ham radio. Some people (like me) enjoy the technical minutiae, and it’s nice to have an outlet for that.

What are you preferred methods for enjoying ham radio? i.e. are you a builder, a talker, do you prefer VHF/UHF/repeater operations, HF ssb/digital modes etc.

So, here’s the real limiting thing for me: I live in an apartment, where I’m not able to erect any significant antennae or go QRO without annoying the neighbors. I used to own a house, and if I had known back then that I’d finally be getting into ham radio, I might not have sold it. But, such is life. From my home, I can get onto some local repeaters, and if I go up to the top of my building’s parking garage with a portable radio and antenna, I can do a little bit of HF.

I’ve tried to find creative ways to get around this limitation. POTA is something I’d like to do more in the new year. I got a taste of it in 2024, operating with my local club from one of the highest points in Shenandoah National Park. I also want to get into digital modes. With my parking-garage rig, I’ve been able to receive quite a bit, but have yet to try transmitting. I’ll probably start with FT8, given its popularity and suitability for QRP.

You mentioned in our initial chats, that you recently came out to family and coworkers. I'd love to hear a little bit about that journey, and what types of things in your life may have changed as a result.

I’ve known for a long time that I wasn’t straight, but at the same time, I didn’t feel like I fit into the gay community. I first learned this about myself when I was in college in the early 1990s, a time when the gay and lesbian community (and that’s mostly how it defined itself at the time) was becoming more visible, at least in the world I inhabited. At that time, though, it felt to me that there was a sort of “cast of characters” that were the visible types. The leather man, the butch lesbian, the bear (probably the one I came closest to), and so on. It seemed to me like there was an expectation to be one of these stereotypes, and I didn’t really find one that fit.

Along the way, my sense of myself changed (to the point that I, a man, was married to a woman for a long time!) and the community became more visibly diverse. I credit generations younger than mine with rejecting this idea of needing to be one of the tropes and for being inclusive of all types of people, including asexual people, the group with which I finally resonated. I feel like I’ve been searching towards this for a long time, and maybe I’m still not at my “final destination”, but I’m happy to be able to feel part of this community.

Coming out was, by and large, a non-event. My immediate family consists of my mother and younger sister and brother. All were supportive and continue to treat me as their son/brother just as they always have. My mother had a few genuine questions, and I gave genuine answers. I didn’t expect them to react any differently than they did - we’ve always been supportive of our own. At work, we have a LGBTQIA+ employee group, and they welcomed me enthusiastically. That hasn’t changed much about work life, either. All in all, it was nothing I was afraid to do, and my lack of fear was justified.

Were you an active ham before you came out, and if you were, did coming out change anything in your ham radio 'career' such as interactions with other hams in clubs, on the air, online, etc?

So far, it hasn’t changed much, but to be honest, I haven’t necessarily announced myself as being a queer person, either. I’m not the type to do a big showy coming-out; for the most part, I just let it come up as it does. I’m about as active as I was before - checking in on the same nets, doing similar public service activities, and so forth.

How did you learn about the Pride Radio group?

I came across it through Mastodon. I was following a few hams there, and looking at the accounts they follow, and one of them was the Amateur Radio Inclusivity Pledge account, which was posting announcements of (among others) the PRG nets. Once I stepped out of the metaphorical closet, it seemed only appropriate to join PRG.

Since we are both members of Pride, and we chat via Mastodon and on a couple nets, I know that you were able to find some queer community in the ham radio space - this actually leads me to a 2 part question:

• Do you see it as having a queer community within the ham radio space, or do you see it as a ham radio community within the queer culture?

Both, I suppose? My sense of the PRG so far is that it’s an interesting bunch of queer people (and allies) that happen to do ham radio. But I could just as easily see it as the inverse. Ultimately, I think it’s a bunch of interesting people with whom I share two things. People first, right? [Ed. I agree!]

-What does having queer community within the ham radio culture / having a ham radio sub-culture within the queer community mean to you?

It's a place where I feel I can be authentically myself. It’s not that the wider ham radio culture is hostile towards that, necessarily, but let’s also not kid ourselves about the grumpy-old-man stereotype. I feel like that image of the ham is holding us back, but we’re not the only ones that skew towards an older, more male, more conservative demographic - it’s happening in groups of all kinds. To get a younger, more diverse crowd, all of these communities need spaces like PRG that are welcoming in a way that isn’t necessarily “you won’t find this anywhere else” but more “you’ll find your people here.” Ultimately, I think that’s what people are looking for.

In conversations when we've chatted in the past, we've talked about another connection we have - both of us being Unitarian Universalists (UU's). For the sake of folx who may read this interview that aren't familiar with Unitarian Universalism, the Seven Principals are a great entry into understanding how we see our place in the world. I think its fair to say that UU's have a somewhat different faith and belief structure than many other faith groups.Are there aspects of being a UU that you feel particularly guide your activities and interaction in ham radio?

My religious journey is a lot like my queer journey: I grew up Christian, but had a crisis of faith and walked away from church as a teenager. After not fitting into any faith I knew of, I found the UUs as an adult, and finally felt like I had found my tribe. I see a few parts of the UU tradition that guide me in ham radio:

• UUs seek to make connections, especially with ones with whom we don’t necessarily agree but from whom we think we can learn and grow. I see this as always having been a big part of ham radio. We talk dismissively about “rag chewing” sometimes, but in the end, it’s a manifestation of our desire to make connections with people and share a bit of our story while learning some of theirs.

• UUs are curious and inquisitive, seeking to understand our world in both broader and deeper ways. Hams are also curious and inquisitive by nature, using the airwaves and our equipment to break new ground. Just as our Unitarian and Universalist ancestors probably never foresaw the UU movement’s efforts in areas of social justice and ecumenical relationships, I doubt the likes of Hiram Percy Maxim foresaw things like SSTV, EME, or FT8.

• UUs feel a call to service, as do the best hams. I participate in community service activities like CERT because I want my heart and my hands to be useful in a time of crisis. The heart is guided by my faith, and the hands are guided by my expertise, but in the end it’s elements of both of these, and many other things, that drive me to do what I do, be it in a time of need or just in everyday life.

You have mentioned that you have encountered some individuals in ham radio who seem to go out of their way to be the opposite of inclusive, both on the air, and during in-person activities like club events. Do you have any advice, or thoughts to share with others on dealing with these people or situations in the hobby?

Ah yes, the “grumpy old man” stock character I referred to earlier. There are, clearly, a lot of these people in the world, and thus a lot of these people in ham radio. I have no particular desire to interact with these people if I don’t have to. I don’t want to hear about their politics, or their exclusionary beliefs, or the chips on their shoulders. And, as in other communities, the loudmouths being loud have the potential to discourage participation by others who aren’t as mouthy.

The thing I try to keep in mind is that my enjoyment of ham radio (or any other activity) is not dictated by these people. For every person who is uninterestingly hostile towards me or people like me, there are many more who are at least tolerant, or at best supportive, of bringing in people that don’t fit their preferred narrative. It can be hard when you’re listening to someone spew stuff that bothers you, but you don’t have to keep listening.

Which reminds me of the Law of Mobility (formerly and sometimes still known as the Law of Two Feet, which is now considered ableist.) The Law of Mobility is a tenet of the Open Space Technology way of creating group events, and says, basically, “if you are in a place where you are neither learning nor contributing, move somewhere else.” The point is that your presence in a place and time should be meaningful and not wasted. I’d apply that to, say, a net where the OMs are arguing over something that doesn’t interest you and to which you have nothing to add. Time to QSY out of there, right? There’s plenty of space on the bands to find a conversation that fits you better - or to start it, if you need to.

And that leads back to why spaces like PRG are important - we need a spot where we can learn and contribute with people who want to do the same. If the OMs can’t handle that, they can have their own grumpy OM net. We’ll keep doing what we're doing. :)

And lastly, do you have any final thoughts, or anything else you'd like to share with anyone who may come across this post on the Pride Radio Groups website?

I really appreciate this opportunity to talk a bit about myself (something I find it hard to do) and to share with people who Get It. I’m still new to PRG (as of this writing) but I hope to talk to more people going forward. Thanks, 73, and keep being you - everything you are! :)